I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
