Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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