dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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