Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
