oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
