i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
