Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
