I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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