Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
