i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize