Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
