Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
