i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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