The beer is more important than you right now.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
