I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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