He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
