Just fell off a train. Bad.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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