Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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