Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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