Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
