OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
