Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
