Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
