I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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