Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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