Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
