I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
