I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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