Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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