dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
