HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
