just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
