dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
