sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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