You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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