ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
