Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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