youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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