I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
