Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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