i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
