Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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