Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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