i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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