i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize