I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
