i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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