Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
