omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
