Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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