I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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