Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
