Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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