her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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