Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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