Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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