you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
