woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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